I thought I would do a short little series of posts dedicated to some of the differences I have noticed in weddings in the UK vs weddings in the USA.
I have written about some of them a very long time ago,
and more recently in a guest post,
but I have come across quite a few more and thought I should organize them and put them down for all of you who are interested.
Now some of this is me generalizing,
some of these differences may be more unique to small towns/villages,
some of these differences may be more unique to small towns/villages,
I am aware that some of the differences may not apply to everyone or everywhere within the UK.
Differences in the beginning stages:
Bridesmaids:
Less is more in the UK.
Having more than four bridesmaids is considered tacky.
My good friend in Scotland
(she is Scottish) married an American man.
She had around 7 bridesmaids.
Her mom was horrified.
She got a lot of "But what will people think??"
Stephen is constantly shocked when he sees American weddings with 8+ bridesmaids/groomsman.
He was not having it.
(For those curious, I had 7 round 1. I have three this time. I don't know if that is because I agree with the less is more statement, or because out of the 7 I don't speak to one, and barely speak to about 4 others, so maybe I was more selective this time?*)
Groomsman/Ushers:
In the UK you typically have your best man, and then ushers.
Only the best man stands up at the alter.
The Ushers escort people in, hand out programs, and sit towards the back/middle (unless they are family).
They are all dressed the same (like they would be in the USA) .
Again, less is more.
Bridesmaid dresses:
Traditionally in the UK, the bride pays for the bridesmaids dresses and shoes.
Wouldn't mind being a bridesmaid a million times now would ya ladies?
(speaking to all of those in the USA who typically pay for their own dresses)
Maybe this is why there arn't as many bridesmaids?
who knows.
Save the dates:
It's a USA thing.
I think STDs (hehe) have only recently started to kind of catch on in the UK.
hehe.
Wedding websites:
It's a USA thing.
We are obviously off to a very american start.
We are obviously off to a very american start.
Party Only Invites:
It's a UK thing.
These are invitations that go out to those who are only invited to the party portion of the reception.
They dont attend the ceremony or dinner reception,
but simply show up for the dancing portion.
I was kinda shocked this happened, but its sort of genius when you are on a budget and cant afford to feed 250+people.
I love that this isnt considered rude here,
because it allows you to have a more intimate ceremony and reception,
but still be able to dance the night away with your friends.
I feel like things like this are maybe catching on in the USA?
thoughts??
Wedding planners:
It's a USA thing.
You have a day of venue coordinator, but full on wedding planners?
Nope.
I hear there are some in London,
but the market is small.
Pretty sure I managed to find the only wedding stylist with some USA flair in all of Ireland.
Thoughts??
Any Likes and Dislikes about these traditions and differences?
Any Likes and Dislikes about these traditions and differences?
Love this and SO accurate! We had a US wedding and 60 from the UK came {my husband is British}. We tried to incorporate a little of both cultures. Ie. The groom doesn't typically speak at the reception in the US but mine did because that's the normal tradition in the UK. I also found that many in the UK were shocked at all of the wedding showers - especially the personal {lingerie} shower - definitely a USA thing :)
ReplyDeleteI wish that the inviting guests only to the dance would go back to where it came from actually! I don't really understand why people think that someone who isn't important enough to see you get married (the reason for the day) should attend the wedding. And I'm sure that some people wouldn't mind only going to the dance, but I would be offended if that was all I was invited to. The worst is when they invite you to the ceremony and the dance but won't feed you! Just my personal opinion though, I know a lot of people are doing this. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with Kaileigh on this! When we were putting together our guest list, Jon suggested we have a "reception only" list and I absolutely refused. Logistically it doesn't make sense anyway because our ceremony and reception are in the same venue. But also what she says! Plus, my feeling is that if a guest is important enough to spend £100+ on (being wined and dined), they're important enough to witness the vows.
DeleteFor some people, it's not a question of the guests' importance but more of their own personal shyness. I've met quite a few brides who want small, family-only ceremonies simply because they feel uncomfortable being the center of attention and want to minimize that on their wedding day. They still love their friends and value them as part of the wedding, but they want to just celebrate the day by enjoying a great meal and dance party with them.
DeleteI live in London and haven't known of any weddings where you're invited to the party and not the ceremony. I've always been to ceremony/party or ceremony/dinner-reception/party. Then again, they were all church weddings where anyone and their dog could go to the wedding itself, and often the invites to the actual service were open invites to everyone who attends the church regularly. Maybe it's different with a civil ceremony? Anyway, if the person is not really a close friend, I don't mind not being invited to the dinner, because I understand that budgets are limited. If it was a close friend and I wasn't invited, I would be crying! I guess it tells you where you are in that person's friend hierarchy if you're not invited to the whole thing!! HA!!
DeleteAll the weddings that had party only invites were church weddings. Ours is a church wedding and we are doing some party only invites..(all on stephens side..obviously). but maybe it is more of a small town thing? My fiancee explained it in that in these small towns the families are SO large, that you cant afford to feed all of the family AND all of the friends, so they do party only so that they can enjoy the dancing/drinks and midnight meal with all of their friends too.
Deleteand same thing in my fiance's town. anyone who attends the church can come to the ceremony if they wanted. a lot of people tend to come and just stand outside the church to watch.
DeleteI think 4 is the acceptable level of bridesmaids here in Aus. Even that is probably too many for most people. You can go bigger, but people are always a bit like :O
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of the best man/usher combination! That seems so bizarre to me, but that's life I guess!
Oh and "party only"? I've heard of reception only but party only?! I don't see that happening here at all.
It's crazy what you learn about other cultures way of getting wed. Love this series :)
P.S - Love a good STD joke as well. Only you.
P.P.S - I am actually going to send that email re: neuroscience... Right now in fact.. Well, soon..
Xx
I love the reception with more people idea. I've always thought about doing an intimate destination wedding and then having a big party when I get back or something.
ReplyDeleteI was going to say everything that Jasmine said about the aus wedding culture. I'm not sure i like the idea of the party only invite. it might be good for the bride and groom, but i feel like its so awkward for the people who just rock up? everyones on this high of seeing the whole day, probably a few (or a lotaaaaa) drinks down, and then some extras turn up haha. I reckon all or nothing for me personally.
ReplyDeleteI am with Stephen on the excessive bridesmaids haha. any more than 4 seems too many to me. i would much prefer to have small intimate group of bridesmaids rather than soo many who i know i probably wont talk to 5 years down the track.
i loveeeeeee STD's and wedding planners though :) they have caught on heaps over here. so good! i think australia has a mixture of both UK and USA wedding culture.
In south Africa less is more too...very seldom do you find big bridal parties on the scale that we see in the US. We normally have say a maid/matron of honour (SA spelling), a bridesmaid and then a flower girl. On the guys side normally a best man and a page boy and a ring bearer. No ushers although thanks to movies and sitcoms it is starting to happen.
ReplyDeleteThe bride normally pays for the bridesmaid dresses but as things become increasingly more expensive I am seeing that change.
STD's (Ha ha ha) are becoming more and more popular and are being used more widely for things like baby showers too now.
Wedding websites are gaining in popularity.
Party only invites are also on the increase. At the beginning of the year I was invited to the actual ceremony only and not the reception which followed. Then I was invited to a wedding reception but not the ceremony. I must say that it felt odd not being at the ceremony but seeing the bride all dolled up at the reception. In the same way if felt odd being at the ceremony and then going home to fluffy socks and TV. I like the concept though of but I am not sure if it will really catch on in SA.
Wedding planner, even co-ordinators are all over the show here. We have the problem of finding someone who has vision and can translate the vision you have into reality.
I must say that I am living a little vicariously through you as you go through the planning of your special day with Stephen. I have this fantasy of getting married in Ireland with the emerald green grass and sapphire blue sky, with the mystery of such an ancient land surrounding us and the lilt of the accents floating on the air as champagne flows and love grows.....
I like the "less is more" approach. Traditions in Canada are similar to those in the US although I'd say people are sticking with tradition less and less. I had one MOH, paid for her dress and had a small-ish wedding. I think if I had gotten married in my early 20's, I may have swayed more the US style but later in my 20's, I think I focused more on what I considered 'the important stuff' i.e.: the marriage.
ReplyDeleteAn interesting post Meg. I was going to do the comparison with SA, but Lisa's comment above mine is right on target!!
ReplyDeleteIt is a pity that we often only get married once - going to have to renew my vows OFTEN!
x
The whole invited only to the party part is awesome. I want a do over-- small reception and dinner--huge party. And with all that money? Um, fly to Thailand or something suckas!
ReplyDeletei love the idea of party-only invites! actually, i think there could be a blog post on the differences between NYC weddings and rest of the USA weddings bc they do that (party-only) here in NYC too. There's also a HUGE gap of time between the ceremony and the reception (a wedding I was in, the ceremony took place at 1, reception at 7!). I think it's to give people time to get from the ceremony to the reception since it's so hard to get around NYC but it's also nice because if you aren't invited to the ceremony, you don't have to worry!
ReplyDeletealso, (maybe this is bc i'm in my 4th wedding) i think it's great that the bride/groom pay for the bridesmaid dresses...it doesnt really make sense to me that we ask people to be in our wedding but then expect them to shell out hundreds of dollars (last wedding I was in I spent over $1000 on wedding related activities!!) .. do the bridesmaids wear the same dresses in the UK or different? i'm definitely a fan of everyone just color-coordinating, not 100% matching.
wow. long comment from someone who is not getting married anytime soon! lol! but i love hearing about you and S's big day! and ohmygaaawwd i cannot wait to see the pics bc it is going to be fabbbb i am sure!!
Well, in the US, Mormons do the whole "Party Only" thing...but that's because only married adults are allowed inside the temple....
ReplyDeleteI do like that idea, but would stress too much over hurting someone's feeling by not inviting them to the dinner part.
Wow that's so interesting to read about the differences. Though even in the US, I think more than 5 bridesmaids/groomsmen is tacky. It just gets to be overwhelming to look at, and then you risk offending someone who thinks they ought to be up there too. When you only have two or three people, you're less likely to run into that situation, ya know? Maybe that's just me. But I like the party only invites. Those need to catch on here...
ReplyDeleteI so wish it had been acceptable in the US to do a "party Only" invite. We had 300+ people and could not afford a super fancy sit-down dinner for everyone, so I had to cut corners only based on money. Boo! Great article.
ReplyDeleteOne of my best friends in the USA is getting married in a couple weeks. She is the first person (that i personally know) to do a party only invite. And from what i have gathered, no one seems to care at all. No one is offended or mad. Her and her husband to be are paying the whole things themselves and have SOOO many friends that there is just no one way they could afford to feed them all.
DeleteI love reading differences between USA and UK things, it's really interesting!
ReplyDeleteIn my (British) opinion all of that is how I would think too apart from Save the Dates - i've always had them from family and friends and they seem like a normal wedding thing everyone does. So maybe it's different in different parts of England!
Stephens brother and sister in law did save the dates as well (got married last august) but they were the first out of anyone in his family/town to do them. I do wonder if like different countries in the UK (scotland,england, northern ireland) have different ways though? I think Northern Ireland tends to lean towards a lot more old school traditional ways of doing weddings (such a small place), whereas england seems to be the most forward thinking and willing to do something new and different?
DeleteI am living through you. I wish I could get married again (with the same man). I want a complete do over. Complete. I love everything you're doing. I don't care what others say, keep up the awesome wedding planning.
ReplyDeleteI've seen some party-only invites before..I was given one! My mom (who was closer to the groom and his family than me) was invited to the wedding and dinner, while my husband and I were invited to dessert and dancing later in the evening. It didn't offend me one bit- I know how much it costs to put on a nice wedding (a lot) and the invite shows that you would like me there even though you've got a lot of other people to spend money on! I am all for it catching on.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I need to move to the UK because I plan (yes, I'm already planning, no I'm not dating anyone) to have around 4 bridesmaids and I've always wanted to have a small ceremony with limited guests and a much larger reception. I do think the "party only" thing is catching on over here. I wish the bridesmaids thing would. I was in a wedding earlier this year with 10 bridesmaids and I felt like I didn't get much quality time with the bride during the whole wedding process. Smaller is better.
ReplyDelete10 bridesmaid. so crazy! although i didnt think it was that crazy until i moved over here and people kept giving it the side eye.
DeleteSo interesting to read the differences! Right when you announced your engagement, I was curious how things were done over there! Very cool post- thanks!
ReplyDeletethanks Kayla!
DeleteThanks for taking the time to write this post. I love 'hearing' about cultural differences!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I've got one for you! Here in Brazil the bridesmaids are little girls(usually from the bride's or groom's families) and they enter the church before the bride does. The bridesmaids are often accompained by boys their age. They carry flowers and one of them holds the rings.
Then, there's also the wedding's godparents (usually older couples that have been married for a while) and here the new trend also is 'less is more'. So, it's basically two couples chosen by the bride and two more by the groom. There is no best man, if you got the idea...
A lot different right? I like though that things are changing and we're incorporating other traditions into brazilian wedding cerimonies.
Good luck on your wedding planning!!
xo
Camila.
www.camilagcarneiro.blogspot.com.br
that is SO interesting! I had no idea thats how they did it in brazil. Thank you so much for sharing!
Deletehow fun! we had a semi destination wedding up in big sur, so it was relatively small. and we had three people on each side. a month after the wedding, we held more of a party down by my dad's house so everyone else could come... i loved it!
ReplyDeletehonestly, i just want to see pictures, so please tell me people in the uk are talented and will take breathtakingly gorgeous photos of you guys... oh wait, the world's WORST photographer could still do it, since you guys are so hot and sexy..
oh yeah, all this std talk got me excited... (;
#hurryupwedding
Being in the "industry" now, this is really interesting to me. It sounds like the US has found a way to really capitalize on the event. More bridesmaids, larger guest lists for the whole thing (instead of just the party), planners, STDs, wedding websites, etc. - all stand to make $ for someone. Of course, I'm really interested in hearing about the differences in photographers and wedding photography in general!
ReplyDeletePS - I love the 4 or less bridesmaids. I've photographed weddings with well over 20 people in the bridal party (8-10 each of bridesmaids and groomsmen, 4 flower girls, 2 ring bearers...). It was crazy stressful for all involved!
DeleteHi Hun, well I am lucky as the bridesmaids are paying for their own dresses next year which save me a little cash for decorations !! We do tend to have less Bridesmaid why I don't know maybe because like you said 7 or so dresses would cost an awful lot !! As for the Save the Dates, I sent some out and did a website and everyone was so impressed lol never seen that idea before so thanks again to the US !! You guys are the best lol ... is your mom looking for a lodger ?! California is very appealing right now ... lol
ReplyDeleteLove Chrissi xo
www.christianaholt.blogspot.com
I've never been married, and I'm not engaged, but I don't know if I could not invited certain people to dinner and the ceremony and then ask them to come for the party! I would feel so awkward/terrible! It's interesting to hear the differences between the US and UK. The US is definitely over-the-top about everything, which I love! haha.
ReplyDeleteI had seven bridesmaids, and my friend from London that came to our wedding couldn't hide her horror/shock at that fact. I could see she thought it was totally tacky, but when most of my American friends explained this was normal in the U.S., she was just sooooo surprised. She couldn't get over it!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with the less is more attitude, but I really couldn't have possibly figured out how to narrow down my group of ladies without hurting people's feelings. I'm an only child so I couldn't pull the sister/family only thing, and then, well, I have a lot of really great friends! I suppose I'll take a bit of tackiness over hurting feelings :)
I'm also not sure how I feel about being invited to the party only. For me, watching the ceremony is one of my favorite(not to mention most important) part of the wedding. I would be kind of sad if I wasn't invited to that.
Girl i feel ya. Narrowing down friends is SO hard. I strugggllleeeed. Although this time it came a lot easier...but thats probably because being an expat really narrowed down my friend pool..only a select few really make the time and effort to keep in contact, and are willing to fly all this way for a wedding, ha!
DeleteI had 5 bridesmaids.. looking back on it, I probably would've gone with three. I do think less is more.
ReplyDeleteThe Party only invites are totally catching on in the US.. and such a wonderful way to spend money! Lots of times, the people that you'd want to invite only really care to be at the "fun" party anyways. It just makes it easy!
so true. Stephens mom has a great attitude about..since she has been invited to a lot of "party only" weddings..she feels honoured to even been included in that portion since she knows what a cost it is in general for a wedding and how people typically just want people they care about there..so to be included at all is something special.
DeleteI laughed so hard at STD's...thank you. :) And I know you will do well with this wedding. What's in the past is the past and stays that way. Focus on your hot man (I'm sure he's reading this comment too - then again I hope not! lol) and you right now. That's all that matters. And it's true. It's all an American thing...the STD's, the websites, the 469 bridesmaids etc etc. it's all positive and also negative. I'd prefer the less is better option too and I can see you are heading into the right direction.
ReplyDeleteyay!!!!!!
I find it super interesting to look at the different traditions for weddings. In Cyprus, a wedding is more like a business. Its not uncommon to have 1500 people or more to your wedding, because everyone brings money for the couple. Its out of desire to get rich quick; especially since parents in Cyprus pay for the entire wedding, so whatever the couple makes on their wedding day goes in their pockets. And compared to the UK, bridesmaids aint that important here. :)If and when I get married, Id like to do it in Cyprus, but I will totally rock the traditional boat with my wedding. Il be the one that everyone is horrified at for only having 200 guests and not asking for money. :) and having 10 bridesmaids!
ReplyDelete1500 people?! holy crap! that is just crazy. i dont even know that many people. unless i invited all of my blog readers. which i would not be opposed to.
DeleteLove these differences! I did a similar post on this after returning back to the US from Italy and having attended a cousin's wedding over there - http://www.discoveringmykismet.com/2011/08/our-year-of-weddings-kicked-off-in.html
ReplyDeleteI like the UK wedding idea haha. I'm planning my Oct 2013 wedding and I have 6 bridesmaids and my fiance has 7 groomsmen. It's ridiculous. I'm struggling with my wedding website (bc all the free sites blow) and I'm working STDs (lol) now. I also love the idea of a split reception. People would be appalled if I did that here. #weddingproblems
ReplyDeleteSo very interesting, I never realized all the little differences. I comply that having more than 7 bridesmaids is quite tacky.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.littleredbook-thatshaute.blogspot.com
Such a cute post!! Love to see the differences between countries. I'm originally from Colombia in South America and there are so many differences it's crazy. Definitely going to adopt a lot of those for my wedding one day! lol
ReplyDeletexx
Giovanna
www.oliveandanarrow.com
I was in a wedding that had 10 bridesmaids! Way too many! It was almost laughable and the pictures didn't turn out so great (trying to get 10 bridesmaids and the bride to all look okay in a photo? Nearly impossible. :)
ReplyDeleteLoved your post! So interesting to see how different cultures work.
I loved reading this! So interesting how we do it over here...as usual we over do things. Haha. I think simple is better, less is more and all that jazz. I did have 8 bridesmaids though and I wouldn't change that.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I much prefer the "less is more" philosophy, instead of the "bigger is better" that pervades American society.
ReplyDeleteThe people who are your friends now, may not even be there in 5 years, so why waste your special day with 25 bridesmaids? Yes. I am aquainted with a girl who had 50 wedding attendants. All dressed in matching brown dresses and suits. Gag. It was so tacky.
Even my four bridesmaids were one too many. After 6 years, I don't even have anything to do with one of them.
I love your comparisons, its fascinating to see the differences!
I have been feeling semi bad for months over not having my friends in my wedding (they were readers, but not bridesmaids). I have 2 sisters and so does Scott, so we did family only on my side. If I had done friends and family it would have been 9 bridesmaids (too many)! I don't feel bad after reading this post and comments. I think less is more for all the reasons mentioned above. It's much more intimate and better for photos etc.
ReplyDeleteYour wedding is going to be so unique and special. I can already tell.
not that i would have been able to afford it, but i kinda like the idea of paying for the bridesmaid dresses. you are asking someone to be in your wedding, attend parties and showers and give gift upon gift...it might be nice to give back a bit. can't wait to hear more details!
ReplyDeleteInteresting to see the differences for sure. I'm not sure how I feel about the "less is more" thing for the bridesmaids, though it makes sense since the bride pays for dresses. I think it depends on the dynamic of your wedding and the personalities involved. I can see how having TOO many in the bridal party would do more harm than good. Not going to lie, the ushers bit seems weird to me. The OCD part of me would not be okay with having bridesmaids at the altar and not groomsmen. I love the idea of wedding websites and Save-the-Dates just because it keeps people in the loop and I think, if you can afford one, a good wedding planner is a definite asset.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of just inviting people for the party. I wish we did that here in the USA.
ReplyDelete