What are your future plans? Will you stay in the UK/move back to the states/Could you see yourself being that LA girl again?
This is the million dollar question.
A question I get asked every day.
A question i ask myself every day.
I have these moments...
these wave of moments,
where i get a pit in my stomach,
and lump in my throat as i look back on my life in southern California..
Last night this moment happened..
I lied awake in bed planning what my visit home will look like this summer..
where I will take stephen..
all the places I wanted to show him.
I mentally walked..
through my home state.
It started in my suburban town..
directly over the canyon from malibu..
40 minutes north of hollywood..
It sits nestled beneath mountain tops..
and on a cul de sac is my home.
Where i spent ages 2-21 residing.
Complete with memories I will never forget,
and ones i wish I could..
and a pool.
that glorious pool.
This is where I start..
where I begin..
we end in Laguna beach..
having taken the 101 fwy to the 405 S
(aka the fiery pits of traffic hell)
until you land in Newport..
and take that stretch down to Laguna..
because that is the best way to get there..
You enter in looking over outstretched cliffs and blue water.
You pass the the gated hillside communities..
where I once worked..
So-Cal is home.
and always will be.
I don't think I will move back there anytime in the near or distant future..
(but don't hold me to it because life has a funny way of changing your plans..clearly..)
I spent a lifetime living and breathing that lovely, intoxicating, and addicting LA smog..
And as much I love it..
yearn for it in moments..
I don't think i could live that pace of life again..
Because when you breath a bit of fresh air for awhile,
going back can be suffocating..
My California friends would gasp at this..
how could i ever want to live anywhere else but God's own paradise ?
And I get it..
you have the beaches, the mountains, the desert, wine country, skiing, all within a short distance of each other.
All wrapped up in the perfect climate.
I will admit,
when I walk down the streets of Scotland,
i have this horrible shallow thoughts that pops into my head..
thoughts like "gosh everyone looks homeless...i wish i could walk out my door and see some color and life in people"
Because we all know,
you don't leave your house in LA unless you are dressed to the nines with a full face of makeup on..
even if dressed to the nines means spending three hours looking like you "just rolled out of bed"
That lifestyle can spur you into being the best version of yourself..
but also the worst.
And call me crazy, but if Stephen and I get married (ah i said it)
I don't think someone who was raised out here in Britain..
would ever be able to tolerate the sort of lifestyle that LA calls for.
The pressure would be intense to say the least.
I will move back to the states.
I fully intend on settling in the USA and living there permanently.
give me 2-3 more years and ill be back.
we can have a party.