Ahnika and I are best friends for multiple reasons..
1. she sends me bomb care packages
2. she demonstrates, via skype, the positions her vag waxer makes her get into
and 3. she tells me about what to expect from breastfeeding with inverted nipples
(book illustrations included)
Her "first" had me laughing out loud.
*****
i want to begin by saying that megan specifically asked me to write about this topic...
there is a first time for everything, right?
gassing in front of your boyfriend is no exception to this rule.
grant and i had been dating almost a year when he flew out from boston to santa barbara to visit me during summer break.
we hadn't dropped the L bomb,
we could make out for hours,
and my face was fuller.
flatulence had been avoided at all costs up to this point and i had no intention of changing that.
but on special occasions,
the body forgets your preferences and speaks for itself.
we were in the room that grant was using and my sister and i started to wrestle.
girls wrestling? that's weird.
yeah, it was.
grant was there being entertained by the strange faux-fight taking place,
and the room was by no means large.
suddenly,
a silent burst of warm air leaped out of my backside.
i froze.
surely my sister would know my crime in a matter of seconds.
would she ignore it?
no.
it could not be ignored.
the pungent smell creeped into her nostrils with such a fire that she couldn't help but scream,
"OH GROSS!! AHN YOU FARTED."
it was an SBD* of epic proportions.
there was no hiding from it.
i was outed and forever lost in my shame.
for who could ever learn to love a beast?
as it turned out, grant could.
we've been married 3.5 yrs and made a baby (albeit still in my womb) together.
the gassing goes on,
but it's a two way street.
and it makes us laugh (and occasionally cry) a lot.
*when i told megs and stephen this story over skype i had to explain to stephen that SBD means Silent But Deadly...foreigners
just a couple of kids reclining on some tree roots in the summer of 2005
i'm totally giggling behind my computer screen
ReplyDeleteGoing to check her blog out right now! Cute pictures!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Petchie
http://itsallofthelittlethings.blogspot.com/
hahahahaha. you're gross ahn. steve and i would never!
ReplyDeletejk. accidentally. 5 years in youd think we could just let em rip?
also, i like the 'couple of kids reclining on some tree roots'
dying with laughter here...only a sister could sell you out that quickly...
ReplyDeletehaha you made my day with this story... we haven't yet (almost three years now) but i'm sure the day will come (quite terrified of it hahahaha). Megs I love your bestie, she's pretty cool ;)
ReplyDeleteJust when I think I couldn't love you both anymore...I do.
ReplyDeleteThis. Is. Hilarious. 1, I love that you asked her specifically for this story. And 2, I love that she had to explain to Stephen what SBD is. I think I underestimate the challenge you've taken on by dating a foreigner.
ReplyDeleteI always threaten to "fart" and Hubby screws up his face ewww don't, but he talks so loud that half the time I do it right after I threatened to "fart" and he doesn't even hear it!!! And of course my "farts" don't smell so he doesn't really know!!!! hahahahahahahaha. Oh god, I just cracked myself up.
ReplyDeleteWindsor
http://eatlovebikini.blogspot.com/
haha hilarious! I love awkawrd "firsts". :)
ReplyDeleteVag waxer. hahaha.
ReplyDeleteI am a 12 year old boy.
HAHAHAHAHA! Hilarium!
ReplyDeletethe first times is always the worst! our skype conversations are to funny!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, this is hilarious. Checking out her blog NOW!
ReplyDeleteLOL!!! I think we all remember the time we let it go for the first time in front of significant other....
ReplyDeletethis is the first time I have heard another write about it, and it totally made my life.
LOL!!! I think we all remember the time we let it go for the first time in front of significant other....
ReplyDeletethis is the first time I have heard another write about it, and it totally made my life.
Hah! Oh, the first gassing is never fun. I was mortified and tried to ignore it while he giggled.
ReplyDeleteShe really did marry a Cullen, didn't she? <3
Haha oh my gosh. This is hilarious..
ReplyDeleteI love her blog :)
ahahaha, that's hilarious! Those SBD ones are THE WORST!!
ReplyDeleteThey are such a cute couple! Congrats on their first kid.
Emily at Amazing Grapes
omg the tree root version of grant & ahn look like totally different people!
ReplyDeleteand ps - thanks, ahn. my post is going up tomorrow... tough act to follow.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Love Ahn.
ReplyDeleteHahahah, uhm a boyfriend of mine once sat on my stomach, after I warned him not to, and that was the first. He got such a fright!
ReplyDeleteHahaha, I love it! I managed to avoid that for a LONG time with my last bf... Finally ruined my track record when I was actually IN the bathroom in our hotel room and he HEARD it... I was mortified, but we never spoke of it... That's why I loved him. He knew when to keep his mouth SHUT.
ReplyDeleteHaha, such a great post! I love how truthful this is! And you are amazing for sharing such a story.
ReplyDeleteThose pictures are too cute, too!
xo, gina
anythingimaginableblog.blogspot.com
this is kill-ing-me.
ReplyDeleteserious hilariousness.
(oh, and i'm new to - and stoked on - your blog!)
haha what a good story!!
ReplyDeletewe really have met "the one" when you know it's appropriate to fart together.
ReplyDeleteSBD!!! Hahahahah, classic!
ReplyDeleteOh. Em. Gee. I should be sleeping right now, but instead I'm up reading blogs on my phone... And this just made my whole life. I laughed out loud on multiple occasions.
ReplyDelete"a silent burst of warm air leaped out of my backside"
ReplyDeletethat's the line that got me. bahahaha. dying.
also, I've experienced Ahn's SBD's in person. in a bed. together. I'll just leave it at that.
gassing is natural. it's unnatural to hold it in...and bad for you according to doctors. i don't know which doctors, but it sounds right.
ReplyDeletealso, you and bridge may be bff's, but i noticed you don't need to use an acronym to describe how it is with us. #suckitbridge
Ahn you honestly have the WORST gas ever! Meg totally knew what she was doing when she asked you to write this one.
ReplyDeleteThis had me laughing SO hard. I love it. I didn't fart in front of Troy until after we were married. When we first moved in together after the big day, we initially had a rule that we had to fart in the bathroom (so lame, I know!), but it only lasted a week. I say it brings you closer! The big question is, do you fart in front of Stephen??
ReplyDeleteP.S. Did you and Ahn meet in blogland or were you real life friends first?
love it. because I have been married 7+ years and I STILL can't bring myself to fart in front of my husband and if I do, I still totally get embarassed.
ReplyDeleteHaha hilarious!! Ooh those SBD are awful! We never used to fart (hate that word) in front of each other until the last year or so... "I was in discomfort".. haha.
ReplyDeleteM x